Fuck You Cupid.

FINALLY, yesterday.

Here’s what happened. And before you even read this, I know, I sound pretty crazy. It was all done through texts, and I was crying the whole time. Kinda hard to think straight when you’ve got snot going everywhere and you think you’re going to throw up. 

Anyway. 

It started with me asking C to hang out on Thursday. I honestly just wanted to hang out with him (yeah right), you know, watch a movie, play some music, go on a walk (make out, spray everything down with my perfume when he wasn’t looking, convince him to give us another shot). He said he was to busy. I was fed up with the half ass excuses, so I told him that he wasn’t busy, he just didn’t want to hang out with me. I wanted him to admit it. He was avoiding me because it was ME. Get it? He sure did. 

We continued talking about it for about an hour. He ended up telling me that he was only going to hang out with his band members and girls that he was interested in. How shallow. I ended up acting like any distraught ex girlfriend would. All the pent up emotions spilled out into a long text telling him that I still missed him and loved him and didn’t understand how his feelings for me could go away so quickly. He said that that was exactly why we couldn’t hang out, because I still needed time to move on and figure things out. I replied with a long list of things he had been doing that made me think he still had feelings for me, and said that I wasn’t the only one who needed to “figure things out”. 

That’s when he called me crazy. That’s a big ass no no. You don’t call me crazy. C had never called me that before. I was shocked. “I’m not..” was all I could think to say. 

So I sat there, crying, hurt, frustrated, and confused. I wanted to say something just as hurtful to him. He had used me, dumped me, lead me on, and had just called me crazy. So I said the one thing that I knew would get to him. 

“I wish I had never met you.”

Fuck it, Monday.

Anyone else seeing a pattern here? He makes plans with me, then cancels, makes some lame ass excuse about work, and expects me to not be offended when it’s so OBVIOUS that hes avoiding me. 

Anyway, there’s more. 

Monday morning, even though I thought we weren’t speaking to each other, he texted me and said he had gotten into a “car wreck”. I called him and he didn’t pick up, he was ignoring my texts. Of course, I was flipping shit. He was probably dead! Finally, he texted me, thanked me for caring, and proceeded to ignore me. Later that night, I asked him what was going on. Why was he suddenly not speaking to me? Why did he not want to hang out? His excuse? He was too busy. His focus was else ware. I was reading into things. 

And then the truth about the “car wreck”.

The dumb ass rear ended someone. It wasn’t a car wreck, it was a cry for attention. He hugely exaggerated it to me and then ignored me as I panicked. There was barely a scratch on  his car, but he had made it sound like he was at the hospital dying.

My question, why me? Why was he trying to get the attention from me? If he didn’t have feelings for me anymore, why did he tell me instead of his best friend?

Enter stage right: false hope.  

Yesterday.

So. Yesterday. Where to start. 

After C texted me, asking me how I’d been, we started talking a lot. Like every day kind of a lot. He started trying to get me to go see him at work, I was trying to get him to hang out with me, we were getting really friendly, and I thought we were moving past things. I honestly just wanted to get back together and for everything to be normal again. Last Saturday (four days ago), he stopped talking to me. Once again, extremely random, and I had the feeling that something had happened with him and K. Of course they were still talking. Even though she lives and hour away, hes had experience with long distance relationships. Anyway, he didn’t talk to me at all on Saturday, even though I texted him about a bazillion times.

On Sunday, I had a college audition. We had planned on hanging out afterwards, but he “had to work”. He suggested maybe meeting up with me for a little bit before work, but then canceled… blah blah blah, some other excuse about “work”. He asked if we could hang out on Tuesday. I said sure, I really wanted to hang out with him. Then… he canceled. He said he “had to work”. This, of course, was complete bull shit, because he never works on Tuesdays. I called  him on it and he admitted to making plans with someone else. 

Fight ensued, feelings got hurt, shit went down, what ever makes you tingly. 

And I haven’t even gotten to yesterday yet. 

Yesterday was even better..

So… Yesterday…

‘Twas a bitchy move on my part, I’ll admit, but he had it coming. I’ll refer to him as “C” (The guitar player, tall, musical, most recent break up, first love :/)

C and I broke up a few weeks ago. We’d been dating for about a year, on and off, and I was and still am in love with him. I thought he loved me too, at least he told me he did. He acted like he did. He told his whole family that he did. He told all his friends that he did. Well, he went to this concert.. I don’t remember who was playing, and that’s not really important, but he ended up meeting a girl there. I’ll call her K. She lives in a city about an hour from C and I, she plays the banjo, shes smart and deep and intellectual, your average hipster. She’s also really, really cute. He held hands with her at the concert and would later refer to them as having a “mature emotional connection.” 

Barf. 

A few days later he broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming at all, there were none of the usual signs, he just randomly did it one day. And when I say randomly, I mean make-your-head-spin-random. He called me that morning and it was perfectly normal. Three hours later he dumped me. 

We continued talking for a few days after the break up. It’s not like he cut me out of his life like he normally would have done. At least, not immediately. I guess it would have been better if he had. Anyway, I started reading into things he would say to me, and it all built up to the day he told me about K. He came to pick me up from work, we were driving home, he parked outside my house and just told me. He made it sound like he’d done something horrible by holding her hand. I didn’t really care, my other ex’s have done SO much worse. Long story short, we ended up making out. I thought it meant we were going to eventually get back together, obviously he still had feelings for me. 

Needless to say, we weren’t on the same page. He blocked me from Facebook the minute he got home. When I saw, I called him, and he told me that he wanted to move on, blah blah blah, he didn’t have feelings for me anymore, we needed time apart. So I said whatever, I was emotionally spent. 

A week past with no talking. Then, shocker, he texted me. Just a simple “Hey, how’ve you been?”, but it was the start of all this shit. 

If that stupid ass hole had just deleted my number, none of this would have happened. 

Today was great (yeah right…)

So I’m not the first girl to say that she’s had some pretty bad relationships. Hey, it’s unfortunate, but it happens. You meet someone cute, you get to know them, and they aren’t what you were hoping for. Oh well. The logical thing to do would be to break up with them and find someone else. 
Yeah, right.
What usually happens is we get super attached to the person and try to change them. Sometimes is works, but most of the time it just gets messy and someone ends up really really hurt. 

“Someone” is usually me. 

About a year ago, I met this amazing boy (I say boy, even though he isn’t eight years old or anything, because that’s what hes been acting like). He was freeking ADORABLE, sweetest eyes, tall, cutest way of talking, musician, and he stole my heart. Well, we’ve had a lot of ups and downs- mostly downs- and we’re broken up now. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the first time we’ve broken up. It’s been about four or five times now. Anyway, the point is, I’m so not over it. Even though he’s acting like a complete jerk now, he was my best relationship. I’ve never cared for anyone like I cared for him. 
You never forget your first love, right?